Sweet Surrender: Turning My Will and My Life Over to the Care of God (Step 3 of the 12 Steps)
Posted: Wednesday, April 29, 2009
by Dave Dozier
The third of the 12 steps is the first step in which the person caught in addiction takes real initiative. Steps one and two are primarily passive. Step one is the admission that I cannot defeat this enemy within (the addiction). Step two is receiving the faith that God ("a Power greater than ourselves") can restore us to sanity. Four presuppositions have been embraced in these steps:
2. This addiction is more powerful than I am
3. God is able to overcome this addiction that I am not able to overcome.
4. God is willing to ring my life back to sanity by overcoming this addiction.
Unfortunately, it may take a great deal of time and heartache before the addict comes to this point. The addict pays a high price to come to the place of embracing these presuppositions. The cost often includes broken relationships, financial ruin, and deteriorating health. Like the prodigal son of Jesus' story in Luke 15, the addict may be reduced to sharing food with the pigs. Hopefully, he finally reaches the end of his rope and accepts the fact that he cannot save himself and that he needs the help of Someone greater than himself. He is now ready to stop trying to control his life and start handing control over to God.
What does it look like when someone gives up control? For one thing, he gives up bargaining. Bargaining is a negotiated surrender that actually is no surrender at all. It often follows this formula: if you do "X" I will do "Y." Examples include "God, I will quit if You get me out of this mess", or, "Honey, I will quit drinking if you and the kids come back to me".
Another example of the addict staying in control is denial. Denial is rationalizing away the truth in order to keep from addressing the problem. Examples abound, but some of the most common include: "My drinking (drugging, etc.) doesn't hurt anyone but myself", or "I can quit anytime that I want to".
The addict who has worked through step 2 has let go of trying to control his life by things like bargaining and denial, and is ready for step 3:
We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God
This is the language of unconditional surrender. There is no small print, no wiggle room, and no loopholes in this statement. The person who is ready to say this has given up trying to figure out or manipulate his future. Instead, this person collapses at the feet of God and surrenders. "Do with me as You will, I cannot fix myself", is a prayer that this person might offer up
Why do the steps not work for so many people? The major reason is that the steps are organic, and we have to grow into them. Many people try to work the steps mechanically. This is like trying to force a piece of fruit to ripen before it is ready. If and when the addict comes to the point of truly wanting help and realization that he cannot get it on his own will he come through the first three steps.
We need to be careful not to try to "force" a loved one to "ripen" before they are ready to surrender. The father of the prodigal son in Luke 15 is a great example of this. When the son left home and followed his foolish path, the father did not run after him. Rather, the father allowed the son to "ripen"; to realize the foolishness of his ways. Once the son returned, the father received him with open arms. This is a wonderful example of loving with boundaries.
Next week we will look at step 4.
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