Will the 12 Steps Work for Me, Even if My Addiction is Not Alcohol?
Posted: Thursday, April 09, 2009
by Dave Dozier
There are over 20 million people who are addicted to drugs or alcohol in America today. The costs associated with this are enormous. Lost work time, mismanaged funds, medical expenses are estimated to top $143 billion, according to NIDA (National Institute on Drug Abuse). Not to mention the human suffering that result from drug and alcohol abuse
Step one reads:
"We admitted that we were powerless over alcohol (or drugs, gambling, etc.) and that our lives had become unmanageable".
A lot of thought was put into the wording of these steps. The word "admitted" implies that an emotional struggle took place before the person comes to the first step. Consider the word "admit". This word implies a change of heart. When we admit something, it is usually something that we are not proud of. We admit that we were wrong, or that we took the money, or that we told a lie or something else that we would rather not reveal about ourselves. Taking the first step requires coming to the place where I can admit something about myself that is painful.
What do we admit? That we are powerless over whatever it is that we are addicted to. Many addicts start out having control over the things that they eventually become addicted to. Once we were able to stop with one drink, or after we lost $25 in the card game. Somewhere along the line, however, we lost control. Now, no matter how hard we try, how much we pray, and how well we plan our days, we end up falling into the same old behavior. We struggle, make resolutions, get religion, and make intricate plans, all in the belief that we can find a way to regain control over this addiction. But the control doesn't come.
We struggle with the addiction as it sucks the life out of the other parts of our world. Eventually our home life, work life, social life, and the very essence of our soul becomes one big mess.
Some never give up the battle, even though we cannot win. But some of us, who have truly become "sick and tired of being sick and tired", finally throw up the white flag of surrender. We "admit that we are powerlessand that our lives have become unmanageable". At that point, healing can finally begin.
For those of us who have come to this point of surrender, the 12 steps can and will work. Until then, the steps are just another in a long list of formulamatic solutions that sound good but offer little help.
If you have been struggling with an addiction, you might want to ask yourself this: How much time/energy/money have I already put into this struggle, and what makes me think that it will get any better tomorrow or next year?
If someone you love is struggling with an addiction, here are a few things to remember:
- Until the person is ready to admit that he is powerless over this addiction, real change will not take place. No one can force him to come to that point. He has to come to that point on his own.
- Don't give up, but at the same time don't enable the person. Love the person with boundaries. In other words, don't do for them what they should be doing for themselves.
Next week we will look at the second of the twelve steps.
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Top-level comments on this article: (3 total)Hi, Dave, a well written look at the first step. This is good for those like me who do not know the 12 steps. Good work. I like the way your writing encourages the reader to continue reading. I liked the way you dealt with "admit," which reminds me of the first step of "repentance." When we really feel sorry for what we've been doing or the way we've been living. I identify from years gone by. I look forward to your next installment.Exactly, Jane! Admitting and repenting are two peas in a pod. The word "repent" means to turn around in one's mind. The same goes for admitting. I admit that the things I was trying weren't working, or that I was going in the wrong direction. This admittance leads me to step two. We will talk about that next week.
Blessings,
Dave
Dave, you are an exceptional writer. I have become friends with an alcoholic over the past six months and have been called upon to set boundaries very early in our association. I believe the relationship was a divine setup for her and for me. As you shared, her life was a mess which included DUI's and a 90-day jail term which became her day of reckoning. I've learned much from this article. I anticipate every step of the way. I am not aware of what they are.
You should write more. *warm smile* Happy Good Friday and Resurrection Sunday!Thanks for the encouraging words.
If you anticipate continuing a relationship with this new friend, I highly recommend your attending an Alanon meeting. These are meetings for friends and family of alcoholics. You can look Alanon up on the web or call a local AA club for information on the time and meeting place. As you meet with these people who love alcoholics, you will learn from their struggles and victories. You will hear how how they are learning to love with boundaries. I love one of their mottos: "We did not cause it (the alcoholic's drinking), we cannot control it, and we cannot cure it".
Dave
Dave, I offered to go with her but it never happened. She was here with her son to get away from those troubles I mentioned. In a few weeks, they are moving back to their hometown in another state. It's been an experience and one I cannot begin to imagine living with day-in and day-out and she's sober!
In my efforts to give to her as she needed, I would become very frustrated. She lives in the past and I do not have much patience with negative conversations. I pray she doesn't relapse because of the environment in which she's going back to live. She didn't know anyone here and didn't drive too often without a license. She feels she's been in captivity and looks forward to going back to the familiar. Pray for her with me, please? Thanks, Dave and you're welcome.
'Welcome to SearchWarp' That first step is a BIG one isn't it? Hang on and we'll make it together.
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